The two hours before

A brief account of the week.

Delayed by three days because I could not face it, and then felt so bad about the delay that I nearly delayed again out of shame. Said this in circle. Four people said they had done exactly the same.

Genuine dread. Esi got him through the first four.

Somebody stayed on a call with me and talked about their garden until it was done. I did not need advice. I needed a voice.

The two hours before are worse than the ten seconds. Every week. Knowing that has not once made the two hours shorter.

It has become a ritual rather than an event, which is what everyone said would happen and I did not believe.

To be revisited.