The first one

Sitting down to this properly tonight.

I want to write this down before I forget how frightened I was, because I suspect in three months I will not believe it. Twenty minutes of standing there. Then eight seconds. Then it was over and I felt faintly ridiculous.

What I keep coming back to is how long it took me to get here. Not the medication — the asking. Years of that.

The pharmacist talked me through it very fast and I nodded at all of it and retained about a third. I have written down the bits I remember and I will ask again at the review.

Nel needs out.