It is coming back

A brief account of the week.

The hum is back, quieter. I panicked when it started returning and Jonah pointed out, mildly, that nobody had promised it was permanent.

A thoughtful entry about what was underneath the noise.

Something has gone quiet and it took me weeks to be able to name it. There was a running commentary in my head about food — what was in the house, what I would have later, whether I would manage not to — and it has stopped. Thirty years of that, and it has just stopped.

I did not know other people did not have this. That is the part I keep turning over. I assumed everybody was doing the same negotiation all day and simply not mentioning it.

The quiet is not the same as peace. It has left a space, and the space has other things in it that I had been keeping the noise on top of.

More thinking required.