Journal
Thea’s journal
Thinking out loud is how I process.
Two years, no news
week 86flat energy 14 replies
Nothing happened again. I am aware that is now the fourth month running I have written that, and I have decided it is the best sentence in this journal. Steady. Two years. My…
Awake at four
week 79rested energy 44 replies
Waking at four again. Not anxious, just awake, lying there listening to the boiler. Repeat study came back and the apnoea is much reduced. Ten years of that mask. Slept…
Both bags, one go
week 77quietly delighted energy 51 reply
Sat on the floor and played for an hour, and then got up. That was the entire reason I started, and I have now done it. Tied my own laces standing up. I am aware of how that…
A different shape
week 75foggy energy 34 replies
A brief account of the week. Waking at four again. Not anxious, just awake, lying there listening to the boiler. Repeat study came back and the apnoea is much reduced. Ten…
I nearly did not write
week 73fine energy 41 reply
A brief account of the week. Nothing to report. Writing it down anyway, on the theory that a journal made only of eventful weeks would give a false impression of the whole…
Nothing
week 71frayed energy 2
A brief account of the week. Nothing. Eleven weeks of nothing. I know intellectually that nothing is not a failure, and I am finding that intellectual knowledge worth…
Weather, not a verdict
week 69frayed energy 41 reply
A brief account of the week. Three months of no change and my blood pressure has come down anyway. Two things can be true at once and I keep having to relearn that. Flat and…
Paired
week 67held energy 54 replies
A brief account of the week. She had a bad week and I had a fine one, and next month it will be the other way round. That is the whole mechanism. My buddy noticed something…
Where the pen lives
week 65organised energy 42 replies
Small logistics win: worked out where the pen actually lives in a fridge shared with four other people and a toddler's yoghurts. Two lines a day in a paper diary. Date, and…
An unremarkable week
week 63fine energy 33 replies
Quiet. Injection Tuesday, mild Wednesday, fine by Thursday, and then a normal weekend. I nearly did not write this week because there was nothing in it. Then I thought about…
Flat, whole night
week 61grateful energy 11 reply
A brief account of the week. Got down on the floor and back up again unaided. I have not been able to do that since 2021 and I did it twice more just to check. Slept flat.…
What is your secret
week 59loved energy 41 reply
A brief account of the week. A wedding. Three courses I could not face, a table of people who noticed, and a very kind waiter who boxed it up without saying a word. My mother…
Stayed for the company
week 57warm energy 34 replies
The facilitator stopped the room when four of us were talking at once and asked one person how she was actually doing. It changed the whole hour. Circle tonight. Eight of us,…
I nearly did not write
week 55fine energy 11 reply
A brief account of the week. I nearly did not write this week because there was nothing in it. Then I thought about how much I have got out of other people's boring weeks.…
An unremarkable week
week 53flat energy 43 replies
Nothing to report. Writing it down anyway, on the theory that a journal made only of eventful weeks would give a false impression of the whole thing. Quiet. Injection…
Two flights of stairs
week 51quietly delighted energy 11 reply
Swam. First time since school. Two lengths, badly, grinning. Sat on the floor and played for an hour, and then got up. That was the entire reason I started, and I have now…
Somebody new
week 48warm energy 44 replies
A brief account of the week. Somebody new tonight, terrified, exactly where I was in the spring. I said the thing that had been said to me and watched it land. The…
An hour on the floor
week 48grateful energy 14 replies
Up the stairs at work twice without stopping at the landing. I stood at the top for a second like an idiot. Nobody saw. It counted. Hiked Ulriken without stopping. Got down…
My mother cooks
week 46warm energy 11 reply
A wedding. Three courses I could not face, a table of people who noticed, and a very kind waiter who boxed it up without saying a word. My mother cooks. That is how she says…
A wedding
week 44loved energy 21 reply
A brief account of the week. A wedding. Three courses I could not face, a table of people who noticed, and a very kind waiter who boxed it up without saying a word. My mother…