What is the honest answer to how you are?

The waiting. Fourteen months on a list and another letter today saying nothing.

The plateau. Eleven weeks and I have stopped believing anything will change.

A crash. Two days flat after overdoing Saturday. Pacing is a skill I am still learning.

The GP was a locum who had read nothing and I left with less than I arrived with.

Hardest thing was pretending to be fine at work for nine hours.

The plateau. Eleven weeks and I have stopped believing anything will change.

My partner is finding this harder than I am and neither of us can say it.

Grief. Ten months on and it still takes whole days without warning.

I have been rigid about food this week in a way I recognise from a long time ago, and I have messaged my therapist about it.

I could not eat anything today and I am starting to be frightened by that. Going to ring the surgery in the morning.

Hard because it was ordinary and I had hoped ordinary would feel better than this by now.

My bloods came back with one thing in the wrong direction and I have been on the internet since four o clock, which helped nobody.