Journal
Mark’s journal
Week fourteen. Learning that a plateau is not a verdict.
What it displaced
week 50pinched energy 12 replies
What this has displaced in the budget: the car being fixed, and a holiday. I have decided that is the right trade for now and I reserve the right to change my mind. The…
An unremarkable week
week 49flat energy 53 replies
Ten minutes then I am asleep. No news. The dog is well, the weather has been foul, and I have taken my medication on the correct day for the eleventh week running. Steady.…
Six labelled boxes
week 46organised energy 42 replies
Ten minutes then I am asleep. Two lines a day in a paper diary. Date, and one thing. That is the entire system and it has twice changed a clinical decision. Anchored…
How are you doing on a Wednesday
week 44held energy 44 replies
Quickly, before bed. Paired up. We text on Sunday nights, four or five lines each, and it has quietly become the most reliable thing in my week. Nobody has ever asked me how…
Awake at four
week 42tired energy 14 replies
Ten minutes then I am asleep. Repeat study came back and the apnoea is much reduced. Ten years of that mask. Waking at four again. Not anxious, just awake, lying there…
Not the same concentration
week 39careful energy 5
Quickly, before bed. Switching, and the concentration is not the same. I nearly worked from the old arithmetic out of pure habit. Moved from a compounded preparation to a…
No news
week 37steady energy 43 replies
Quickly, before bed. Steady. That is the whole entry. An unremarkable week. Ate, walked, worked, slept adequately. This is what most of it looks like. No news. The dog is…
A printout I cannot read
week 34frustrated energy 22 replies
Asked the question I had been avoiding for eleven years. She answered it in about ninety seconds and was completely unbothered. Left with a printout I could not read and no…
Circle tonight
week 31warm energy 44 replies
Quickly, before bed. Circle tonight. Eight of us, an hour, and about eleven minutes of actual information. The rest was the point. Somebody new tonight, terrified, exactly…
Steady
week 29flat energy 13 replies
An unremarkable week. Ate, walked, worked, slept adequately. This is what most of it looks like. No news. The dog is well, the weather has been foul, and I have taken my…
Into town and back
week 27quietly delighted energy 33 replies
Up the stairs at work twice without stopping at the landing. I stood at the top for a second like an idiot. Nobody saw. It counted. Carried his daughter upstairs asleep for…
A locum
week 26brisk energy 5
Quickly, before bed. Left with a printout I could not read and no idea what to be worried about. Taking it to bloodwork-buddies on Thursday. Took the diary in. She read it…
Two lengths, badly
week 24pleased energy 41 reply
Full shift on my feet and my knees did not stop me. That has not happened in about four years. Got down on the floor and back up again unaided. I have not been able to do…
Sunday night, four lines
week 21held energy 54 replies
Ten minutes then I am asleep. Nobody has ever asked me how I was doing on a Wednesday before. Paired up. We text on Sunday nights, four or five lines each, and it has quietly…
The second one is easier
week 19frayed energy 33 replies
Nothing. Eleven weeks of nothing. I know intellectually that nothing is not a failure, and I am finding that intellectual knowledge worth approximately nothing this evening.…
I wanted to stop
week 17low energy 42 replies
Quickly, before bed. Second plateau, and it is easier than the first, mostly because I have been here and come out the other side without doing anything clever. Week fourteen…
Paired
week 16held energy 44 replies
Paired up. We text on Sunday nights, four or five lines each, and it has quietly become the most reliable thing in my week. Nobody has ever asked me how I was doing on a…
Sunday lunch
week 13awkward energy 31 reply
Ten minutes then I am asleep. Sunday lunch at my grandmother's. Small plate, long afternoon, no drama, and she was happy. My mother cooks. That is how she says it. So I eat…
An unremarkable week
week 11flat energy 21 reply
No news. The dog is well, the weather has been foul, and I have taken my medication on the correct day for the eleventh week running. Steady. That is the whole entry. An…
Not writing about this would be dishonest
week 10rough energy 52 replies
Ten minutes then I am asleep. Bad week and I am writing it down anyway, because a journal that only contains the good weeks would be a lie and no use to anybody reading it…