Journal
Esme’s journal
Long lunches, small plates, no drama.
Starters as a main
week 37awkward energy 51 reply
Evening. Somebody asked what my secret was and I froze completely. Still working out what I want to say to that. A wedding. Three courses I could not face, a table of people…
Nothing to report
week 35steady energy 23 replies
Steady. That is the whole entry. Nothing to report. Writing it down anyway, on the theory that a journal made only of eventful weeks would give a false impression of the…
Sunday night, four lines
week 34held energy 24 replies
My buddy noticed something in my journal before I did and asked me a very gentle question about it. Nobody has ever asked me how I was doing on a Wednesday before. She had a…
The question I had been avoiding
week 32frustrated energy 42 replies
Nine minutes. I took three written questions and got three answers, which is the best return I have ever had from an appointment. Left with a printout I could not read and no…
A wedding
week 31loved energy 23 replies
Somebody asked what my secret was and I froze completely. Still working out what I want to say to that. A long entry about eating out in France with a small appetite. A…
The limits of yoghurt
week 30steady energy 13 replies
Evening. Protein first, everything else after. It is not interesting advice and it is the only advice that has changed anything. Was undereating without realising. The nurse…
A plain question
week 28steady energy 23 replies
Was undereating without realising. The nurse asked a plain question about what I had actually eaten in the last two days and I heard my own answer. Protein first, everything…
A locum
week 26frustrated energy 42 replies
Evening. Left with a printout I could not read and no idea what to be worried about. Taking it to bloodwork-buddies on Thursday. Nine minutes. I took three written questions…
Paired
week 25held energy 54 replies
Evening. Paired up. We text on Sunday nights, four or five lines each, and it has quietly become the most reliable thing in my week. My buddy noticed something in my journal…
Stayed for the company
week 23warm energy 34 replies
The facilitator stopped the room when four of us were talking at once and asked one person how she was actually doing. It changed the whole hour. Went for the practical…
I nearly did not write
week 22fine energy 43 replies
Evening. Nothing to report. Writing it down anyway, on the theory that a journal made only of eventful weeks would give a false impression of the whole thing. An unremarkable…
Quiet
week 20flat energy 43 replies
An unremarkable week. Ate, walked, worked, slept adequately. This is what most of it looks like. Quiet. Injection Tuesday, mild Wednesday, fine by Thursday, and then a normal…
Nine minutes
week 19heard energy 22 replies
Nine minutes. I took three written questions and got three answers, which is the best return I have ever had from an appointment. Left with a printout I could not read and no…
She noticed first
week 17held energy 34 replies
She had a bad week and I had a fine one, and next month it will be the other way round. That is the whole mechanism. Paired up. We text on Sunday nights, four or five lines…
Unpleasant, not dangerous
week 16sore energy 51 reply
A rough few days. Not dangerous, just relentlessly unpleasant, the kind of unwell where you cannot read and cannot sleep and cannot settle to anything. Constipation, which I…
Slept through
week 15tired energy 14 replies
Evening. Repeat study came back and the apnoea is much reduced. Ten years of that mask. Vivid dreams, every night, the sort you have to sit up and shake off. Two other people…
The list on the fridge
week 13steady energy 23 replies
Evening. Protein first, everything else after. It is not interesting advice and it is the only advice that has changed anything. Was undereating without realising. The nurse…
Propped up on pillows
week 13sore energy 43 replies
Evening. The burping. Nobody mentions the burping. It is not in any leaflet and it is genuinely one of the odder experiences of my adult life. Mild. Sore at the injection…
Awake at four
week 12tired energy 14 replies
Repeat study came back and the apnoea is much reduced. Ten years of that mask. Vivid dreams, every night, the sort you have to sit up and shake off. Two other people in…
Nothing to report
week 10steady energy 23 replies
Evening. Quiet. Injection Tuesday, mild Wednesday, fine by Thursday, and then a normal weekend. No news. The dog is well, the weather has been foul, and I have taken my…