Journal
Hannah’s journal
Three months in and learning to ask for help before I am desperate.
Paired
week 52held energy 34 replies
Paired up. We text on Sunday nights, four or five lines each, and it has quietly become the most reliable thing in my week. She had a bad week and I had a fine one, and next…
No news
week 50flat energy 41 reply
Short one tonight. Steady. That is the whole entry. An unremarkable week. Ate, walked, worked, slept adequately. This is what most of it looks like. No news. The dog is well,…
She stopped the room
week 48warm energy 24 replies
Short one tonight. Somebody new tonight, terrified, exactly where I was in the spring. I said the thing that had been said to me and watched it land. Circle tonight. Eight of…
A1c down
week 45pleased energy 11 reply
Late, and writing anyway. A1c down. I looked at the number for a long time and then rang my mother, which surprised us both. Bloods back. Unremarkable, she said, which is a…
Come back in a year
week 44pleased energy 31 reply
Short one tonight. A1c down. I looked at the number for a long time and then rang my mother, which surprised us both. First set of bloods that her GP described as…
A plain question
week 42steady energy 53 replies
A quiet week. Spread it across the day instead of trying to do it all at teatime and everything got easier. Got something with protein in before nine this morning, which…
What is your secret
week 40warm energy 51 reply
Late, and writing anyway. A wedding. Three courses I could not face, a table of people who noticed, and a very kind waiter who boxed it up without saying a word. Somebody…
Off the floor
week 37pleased energy 21 reply
Short one tonight. Swam. First time since school. Two lengths, badly, grinning. Tied my own laces standing up. I am aware of how that sounds and I do not care. Up the stairs…
An hour on the floor
week 35quietly delighted energy 11 reply
A quiet week. Carried both bags up in one go. Small thing. Wrote it down. Walked up the school stairs twice without stopping and cried in the stationery cupboard. Sat on the…
An unremarkable week
week 34steady energy 13 replies
Late, and writing anyway. An unremarkable week. Ate, walked, worked, slept adequately. This is what most of it looks like. No news. The dog is well, the weather has been…
Into town and back
week 31pleased energy 41 reply
A quiet week. Walked into town and back, which I stopped doing years ago without ever deciding to stop. Swam. First time since school. Two lengths, badly, grinning. Tied my…
Steady
week 29fine energy 21 reply
A quiet week. No news. The dog is well, the weather has been foul, and I have taken my medication on the correct day for the eleventh week running. Steady. That is the whole…
Eleven weeks
week 26low energy 43 replies
A quiet week. The plateau has been going on longer than the part before the plateau. That is an odd thing to sit with. Twelve weeks of nothing at all. Nearly stopped. Ada…
Starters as a main
week 23warm energy 11 reply
Short one tonight. A wedding. Three courses I could not face, a table of people who noticed, and a very kind waiter who boxed it up without saying a word. Somebody asked what…
No mask
week 21tired energy 34 replies
Slept through. Whole night, no waking. It has been so long that I lay there in the morning trying to work out what was different. Repeat study came back and the apnoea is…
Two flights of stairs
week 18pleased energy 51 reply
Late, and writing anyway. Slept flat. Whole night. Flat. Carried both bags up in one go. Small thing. Wrote it down. Sat on the floor and played for an hour, and then got up.…
What was underneath
week 16unsettled energy 14 replies
Something has gone quiet and it took me weeks to be able to name it. There was a running commentary in my head about food — what was in the house, what I would have later,…
No news
week 15fine energy 43 replies
Steady. That is the whole entry. An unremarkable week. Ate, walked, worked, slept adequately. This is what most of it looks like. No news. The dog is well, the weather has…
Circle tonight
week 13warm energy 14 replies
Circle tonight. Eight of us, an hour, and about eleven minutes of actual information. The rest was the point. Somebody new tonight, terrified, exactly where I was in the…
A printout I cannot read
week 10frustrated energy 13 replies
Late, and writing anyway. She reduced one of my other medications. I asked her twice whether that was really allowed. Left with a printout I could not read and no idea what…