Journal
Nolan’s journal
Maritime winters. Long waits for endocrinology.
A wedding
week 45awkward energy 51 reply
Starters as a main course, permanently. No explanation offered, none requested. Somebody asked what my secret was and I froze completely. Still working out what I want to say…
An unremarkable week
week 43fine energy 33 replies
An unremarkable week. Ate, walked, worked, slept adequately. This is what most of it looks like. Nothing to report. Writing it down anyway, on the theory that a journal made…
Two sessions
week 41tired but good energy 22 replies
This week: Came back after a bad fortnight without trying to make up the lost ground, which is the thing that used to end it for me every time. Eight minutes and a chair.…
How are you doing on a Wednesday
week 39held energy 34 replies
This week: Nobody has ever asked me how I was doing on a Wednesday before. My buddy noticed something in my journal before I did and asked me a very gentle question about it.…
Slept through
week 37rested energy 44 replies
This week: The sleep has changed shape rather than improved. Different, not better, and I cannot yet tell whether I mind. Slept through. Whole night, no waking. It has been…
Starters as a main
week 35loved energy 21 reply
This week: Starters as a main course, permanently. No explanation offered, none requested. Somebody asked what my secret was and I froze completely. Still working out what I…
Circle tonight
week 33warm energy 34 replies
The facilitator stopped the room when four of us were talking at once and asked one person how she was actually doing. It changed the whole hour. Circle tonight. Eight of us,…
Somebody new
week 31warm energy 34 replies
This week: Somebody new tonight, terrified, exactly where I was in the spring. I said the thing that had been said to me and watched it land. The facilitator stopped the room…
The pattern of it
week 30sore energy 21 reply
A rough few days. Not dangerous, just relentlessly unpleasant, the kind of unwell where you cannot read and cannot sleep and cannot settle to anything. Manageable. Very…
No news
week 29fine energy 41 reply
This week: Nothing to report. Writing it down anyway, on the theory that a journal made only of eventful weeks would give a false impression of the whole thing. Steady. That…
Into town and back
week 27quietly delighted energy 11 reply
Sat on the floor and played for an hour, and then got up. That was the entire reason I started, and I have now done it. Swam. First time since school. Two lengths, badly,…
Anchored to the shifts
week 25organised energy 32 replies
Tested three cool bags against a thermometer this weekend because I am that person. Results written up for the travel circle. Batch cooked on a good day for the bad days. Six…
Steady
week 23flat energy 13 replies
Steady. That is the whole entry. I nearly did not write this week because there was nothing in it. Then I thought about how much I have got out of other people's boring…
She reduced it
week 21frustrated energy 42 replies
Asked the question I had been avoiding for eleven years. She answered it in about ninety seconds and was completely unbothered. A locum who had clearly read nothing. I was…
A plain question
week 19steady energy 23 replies
Was undereating without realising. The nurse asked a plain question about what I had actually eaten in the last two days and I heard my own answer. Protein first, everything…
My mother cooks
week 17awkward energy 51 reply
Starters as a main course, permanently. No explanation offered, none requested. Somebody asked what my secret was and I froze completely. Still working out what I want to say…
The list on the fridge
week 15steady energy 23 replies
This week: Protein first, everything else after. It is not interesting advice and it is the only advice that has changed anything. Was undereating without realising. The…
Dreams
week 13foggy energy 3
The sleep has changed shape rather than improved. Different, not better, and I cannot yet tell whether I mind. Slept through. Whole night, no waking. It has been so long that…
Three cool bags and a thermometer
week 13pleased energy 31 reply
Batch cooked on a good day for the bad days. Six labelled boxes in the freezer and a great deal of smugness. Winter deliveries at minus twenty. Two lines a day in a paper…
Sunday lunch
week 11warm energy 21 reply
This week: Starters as a main course, permanently. No explanation offered, none requested. Somebody asked what my secret was and I froze completely. Still working out what I…