Journal
Héloïse’s journal
Precise and private.
Nothing to report
week 26steady energy 11 reply
A brief account of the week. Quiet. Injection Tuesday, mild Wednesday, fine by Thursday, and then a normal weekend. Nothing to report. Writing it down anyway, on the theory…
A different shape
week 24foggy energy 14 replies
Waking at four again. Not anxious, just awake, lying there listening to the boiler. Repeat study came back and the apnoea is much reduced. Ten years of that mask. Slept…
Where the pen lives
week 23organised energy 52 replies
Anchored injection day to my shift pattern rather than to the calendar, which solved a problem I had been feeling guilty about for four months. Batch cooked on a good day for…
An hour on the floor
week 22pleased energy 41 reply
A brief account of the week. Carried both bags up in one go. Small thing. Wrote it down. Swam. First time since school. Two lengths, badly, grinning. Voilà.
My mother cooks
week 21loved energy 21 reply
A brief account of the week. My mother cooks. That is how she says it. So I eat what I can, slowly, and I say thank you, and we manage. It is not a problem to be solved.…
Dreams
week 20rested energy 14 replies
A brief account of the week. Waking at four again. Not anxious, just awake, lying there listening to the boiler. Repeat study came back and the apnoea is much reduced. Ten…
A printout I cannot read
week 19brisk energy 52 replies
A brief account of the week. Asked the question I had been avoiding for eleven years. She answered it in about ninety seconds and was completely unbothered. Nine minutes. I…
Nine minutes
week 18brisk energy 22 replies
Nine minutes. I took three written questions and got three answers, which is the best return I have ever had from an appointment. Took the diary in. She read it properly,…
The pattern of it
week 16flat energy 32 replies
A brief account of the week. Constipation, which I have avoided writing about for six weeks out of pure squeamishness. It is the thing making me most miserable and I have…
Steady
week 15fine energy 21 reply
Nothing to report. Writing it down anyway, on the theory that a journal made only of eventful weeks would give a false impression of the whole thing. I nearly did not write…
Unpleasant, not dangerous
week 15rough energy 34 replies
Constipation, which I have avoided writing about for six weeks out of pure squeamishness. It is the thing making me most miserable and I have said nothing about it to…
Sunday night, four lines
week 14held energy 5
She had a bad week and I had a fine one, and next month it will be the other way round. That is the whole mechanism. Nobody has ever asked me how I was doing on a Wednesday…
I nearly did not write
week 13steady energy 43 replies
A brief account of the week. I nearly did not write this week because there was nothing in it. Then I thought about how much I have got out of other people's boring weeks.…
No news
week 12fine energy 53 replies
Quiet. Injection Tuesday, mild Wednesday, fine by Thursday, and then a normal weekend. Nothing to report. Writing it down anyway, on the theory that a journal made only of…
She noticed first
week 11held energy 34 replies
A brief account of the week. Paired up. We text on Sunday nights, four or five lines each, and it has quietly become the most reliable thing in my week. She had a bad week…
Both bags, one go
week 10pleased energy 21 reply
Full shift on my feet and my knees did not stop me. That has not happened in about four years. Up the stairs at work twice without stopping at the landing. I stood at the top…
Protein first
week 10steady energy 23 replies
A brief account of the week. Greek yoghurt, eggs, and the limits of both. I have reached the limits of both. Was undereating without realising. The nurse asked a plain…
Sunday night, four lines
week 9held energy 34 replies
My buddy noticed something in my journal before I did and asked me a very gentle question about it. Paired up. We text on Sunday nights, four or five lines each, and it has…
Slept through
week 7foggy energy 54 replies
Waking at four again. Not anxious, just awake, lying there listening to the boiler. Repeat study came back and the apnoea is much reduced. Ten years of that mask. Slept…
Before nine
week 7steady energy 23 replies
Was undereating without realising. The nurse asked a plain question about what I had actually eaten in the last two days and I heard my own answer. I have found five things I…