Journal
Sara’s journal
Came off once, came back kinder to myself.
Just Wednesdays
week 92settled energy 22 replies
Reduced to a maintenance dose. Same day, same fridge, less of it. Steady, and her restart entry is pinned in the circle. The strange part is not having a project any more. I…
Two flights of stairs
week 76pleased energy 31 reply
A gentle week, mostly. Slept flat. Whole night. Flat. Back to night shifts without dreading them. Up the stairs at work twice without stopping at the landing. I stood at the…
She stopped the room
week 62steadied energy 53 replies
Sitting down to this properly tonight. Went for the practical answers and stayed for the company, which I gather is what everybody does. Became the person who welcomes…
Fewer, heavier
week 58tired but good energy 22 replies
Two sessions this week, both short, both done. Ren keeps saying that two a week for two years beats a perfect programme abandoned in March, and he is annoyingly right. Kept…
I nearly did not write
week 56fine energy 41 reply
Quiet. Injection Tuesday, mild Wednesday, fine by Thursday, and then a normal weekend. I nearly did not write this week because there was nothing in it. Then I thought about…
Both bags, one go
week 55quietly delighted energy 21 reply
Walked into town and back, which I stopped doing years ago without ever deciding to stop. Got down on the floor and back up again unaided. I have not been able to do that…
Eight minutes and a chair
week 54tired but good energy 1
Sitting down to this properly tonight. Kept the two sessions that matter and dropped the two that were vanity. Fewer, heavier, done. Two sessions this week, both short, both…
Across the day
week 52steady energy 13 replies
A gentle week, mostly. Got something with protein in before nine this morning, which meant the rest of the day did not fall apart at four. Protein first, everything else…
She read the diary
week 51brisk energy 52 replies
Asked the question I had been avoiding for eleven years. She answered it in about ninety seconds and was completely unbothered. Nine minutes. I took three written questions…
Awake at four
week 49tired energy 34 replies
Waking at four again. Not anxious, just awake, lying there listening to the boiler. Slept through. Whole night, no waking. It has been so long that I lay there in the morning…
She noticed first
week 48held energy 3
She had a bad week and I had a fine one, and next month it will be the other way round. That is the whole mechanism. My buddy noticed something in my journal before I did and…
A printout I cannot read
week 46heard energy 12 replies
Sitting down to this properly tonight. Nine minutes. I took three written questions and got three answers, which is the best return I have ever had from an appointment. Took…
A rough few days
week 46flat energy 53 replies
The nausea has a shape to it now. Thursday teatime it starts, Friday it peaks, Saturday afternoon it lifts. Once I could see the pattern it stopped feeling like something…
The question I had been avoiding
week 44frustrated energy 52 replies
A gentle week, mostly. Took the diary in. She read it properly, which I had not expected, and changed the plan because of it. Asked the question I had been avoiding for…
Dreams
week 43rested energy 44 replies
Sitting down to this properly tonight. Waking at four again. Not anxious, just awake, lying there listening to the boiler. Slept through. Whole night, no waking. It has been…
Quiet
week 41flat energy 33 replies
I nearly did not write this week because there was nothing in it. Then I thought about how much I have got out of other people's boring weeks. Nothing to report. Writing it…
My mother cooks
week 40awkward energy 21 reply
Sitting down to this properly tonight. Starters as a main course, permanently. No explanation offered, none requested. My mother cooks. That is how she says it. So I eat what…
A locum
week 38frustrated energy 22 replies
Asked the question I had been avoiding for eleven years. She answered it in about ninety seconds and was completely unbothered. Nine minutes. I took three written questions…
No mask
week 37foggy energy 24 replies
A gentle week, mostly. Waking at four again. Not anxious, just awake, lying there listening to the boiler. Slept through. Whole night, no waking. It has been so long that I…
From the bottom
week 37relieved energy 53 replies
The shame about the gap was worse than any side effect I have had. Six people in circle said "yes, me, twice", and it went. Restarted at a quarter of the step size with a new…