Journal
Bram’s journal
Third Bram. We are considering numbers.
Off the floor
week 35quietly delighted energy 52 replies
Slept flat. Whole night. Flat. Tied my own laces standing up. I am aware of how that sounds and I do not care. Walked into town and back, which I stopped doing years ago…
She noticed first
week 32held energy 54 replies
Well then. She had a bad week and I had a fine one, and next month it will be the other way round. That is the whole mechanism. Nobody has ever asked me how I was doing on a…
Two flights of stairs
week 32quietly delighted energy 34 replies
Carried both bags up in one go. Small thing. Wrote it down. Rode the Peak District loop. Up the stairs at work twice without stopping at the landing. I stood at the top for a…
Where the pen lives
week 30organised energy 32 replies
Anchored injection day to my shift pattern rather than to the calendar, which solved a problem I had been feeling guilty about for four months. Batch cooked on a good day for…
Paired
week 28held energy 34 replies
Right. Paired up. We text on Sunday nights, four or five lines each, and it has quietly become the most reliable thing in my week. She had a bad week and I had a fine one,…
Laces
week 26pleased energy 51 reply
Well then. Sat on the floor and played for an hour, and then got up. That was the entire reason I started, and I have now done it. Slept flat. Whole night. Flat. Third Bram,…
Two lines a day
week 24organised energy 2
Well then. Batch cooked on a good day for the bad days. Six labelled boxes in the freezer and a great deal of smugness. Small logistics win: worked out where the pen actually…
An unremarkable week
week 22steady energy 13 replies
Well then. Steady. That is the whole entry. I nearly did not write this week because there was nothing in it. Then I thought about how much I have got out of other people's…
Dreams
week 20rested energy 14 replies
The sleep has changed shape rather than improved. Different, not better, and I cannot yet tell whether I mind. Waking at four again. Not anxious, just awake, lying there…
The question I had been avoiding
week 18frustrated energy 32 replies
Well then. Asked the question I had been avoiding for eleven years. She answered it in about ninety seconds and was completely unbothered. Left with a printout I could not…
Slept through
week 16tired energy 24 replies
Well then. The sleep has changed shape rather than improved. Different, not better, and I cannot yet tell whether I mind. Waking at four again. Not anxious, just awake, lying…
Where the pen lives
week 14organised energy 52 replies
Right. Small logistics win: worked out where the pen actually lives in a fridge shared with four other people and a toddler's yoghurts. Tested three cool bags against a…
I nearly did not write
week 12steady energy 21 reply
Right. I nearly did not write this week because there was nothing in it. Then I thought about how much I have got out of other people's boring weeks. No news. The dog is…
A rough few days
week 11sore energy 13 replies
Right. Cramp in both calves in the night, twice this week. Mentioned it and had bloods done rather than being told to eat a banana, which I appreciated. Manageable. The…
The limits of yoghurt
week 10steady energy 13 replies
Got something with protein in before nine this morning, which meant the rest of the day did not fall apart at four. Greek yoghurt, eggs, and the limits of both. I have…
Protein first
week 8steady energy 43 replies
Right. Greek yoghurt, eggs, and the limits of both. I have reached the limits of both. Got something with protein in before nine this morning, which meant the rest of the day…
Sunday night, four lines
week 6held energy 34 replies
My buddy noticed something in my journal before I did and asked me a very gentle question about it. Paired up. We text on Sunday nights, four or five lines each, and it has…
No mask
week 4rested energy 44 replies
Right. The sleep has changed shape rather than improved. Different, not better, and I cannot yet tell whether I mind. Waking at four again. Not anxious, just awake, lying…
An hour on the floor
week 2grateful energy 11 reply
Full shift on my feet and my knees did not stop me. That has not happened in about four years. Carried both bags up in one go. Small thing. Wrote it down. Third Bram, signing…
Beginning, badly
week 1wired energy 42 replies
I want to write this down before I forget how frightened I was, because I suspect in three months I will not believe it. Twenty minutes of standing there. Then eight seconds.…